Emotional Management

You are an emotional being.

We all are.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, emotions are simply how your brain speaks to you in times of stress, for good and for bad.

Your emotions are an incredibly simple system that all animals share. They have kept us alive for thousands of years. There are no long winded sentences or punctuation to slow everything down, there are simply feelings like Fear, Hate, Anger, Pain, Love, Wonder, Curiosity, or Compassion that drive us to take immediate action.

It is why I become overjoyed [an emotion] when something that I have been speaking about for years is finally proved true by hardbound “research” rather than watching the natural world that is all around us and following one’s  “gut”.

Today emotions are not the wonder they were 40,000 years ago. They are still just your brain trying to speak to you, and unfortunately if you do not learn to manage them they can quickly manage your life in the wrong direction. Take a moment to think back at all the ways your emotions have steered your life in the wrong direction again and again and again.

I have been telling my students and clients that your emotions are neither good nor bad; they are simply your brain’s way of telling you that something in your world is about to effect your life. Anxiety is your brain’s way of saying, “we have been down this path before, so beware because the last time it didn’t turn out so well.” Physical pain is your brain’s way of telling you that something is wrong and you need to attend to it quickly. Anguish is your brain’s way of telling you that there is a loss in your life that you need to fill. Love is your brains way of saying something wonderful is about to happen if you just follow that trail, that person, or that animal to wherever it leads.

Back when your ancestors lived a constant fight, flight or fornicate mode, the emotional system was a great solution to staying alive. In today’s world, however, there you have time to step back and consider your actions before you commit yourself by running after your emotions – an act that often gets you into more trouble than whatever it was you were facing.

To do this you need to be awake to what is going on around you so that you can recognize the reality of your situation. Acting on your emotions is a choice and you can prevent yourself from taking the wrong path of following your auto-response with a breath so that you no longer feel trapped by the need to pursue whatever it is you are feeling without thinking.

Psychology Today recently published a new study about how your emotions drive most of your decisions without your even being aware that they are.

It is why I have always said that learning how to not respond to your emotions is the best step you can take to living a more meditative and mindful life to find the calm you want in your life.

Anxiety is not something to lose yourself to, it is simply your brain’s way of warning you to be cautious and to watch out. In many ways the anxiety you feel is your brain telling you hat you have faced a similar situation in the past and that it did not end up so well. Perhaps the person that you are haggling with over the cost of something reminds your brain of a person who cheated you in the past. You may not remember the person or the situation that your brain does, or perhaps it remembers something it saw on television and does not remember that that movie is not the real world. After all, why would you get so emotional about a movie or TV show if it wasn’t real? And since your brain recognizes it as real, the person in front of you with the same tic as the person in the movie is just as bad.

Your brain can’t always tell the difference between reality and make believe, so are you going to blindly follow your brain, even though the person in front of you is being fair and honest, but shares the same tic as a villain in a film?

It is important to remember that emotions are not the problem.  It is how you deal with them that is. If you lose yourself to your emotions, then they become your master – and that is never a good thing.

Don’t give up, we can help on this front. The next time you feel an emotion rising. Love or Hate, Anxiety or Comfort, Lust or Disgust, do not respond to it immediately.  Train yourself to stop, breathe, separate yourself from whatever it is that is triggering your emotion and relax.

Take a moment to really look at your situation so that you can ask yourself “is this emotion really right for what is going on?” Contemplate what you are feeling and try to remember the last time you felt this emotion. Acknowledge it, label it, contemplate it, and then ask yourself if responding in such a way is really what you want to do. Or would you be better off by simply letting it go?

Remember, your emotion is not the issue. It is simply your brain trying to talk to you using an antiquated system. Your brain is simply trying to tell you that something out there is about to effect you in here. It is up to you to decide how you want to respond.

Living in a meditative manner is the difference between joy and pain, love or anguish. After all, it is your life, it’s time to decide how you live it.

Be well and I hope this helps.

 

 

j.

Discover your delusions & unleash your potential

Q:
When most of your life you think you are someone, but later in life you find out you are not that person, (only the environment you have been exposed to made you like that), how do you accept your new true identity?

A:
We all carry delusions that we invariably lie by with us. You first create those delusions to protect yourself as you begin your life. For example someone in your formative years laughs at you and hurts your feelings because of a trait that you were not even aware of. That hurts your feelings and undermines your unhappiness, so your brain creates a wall, a delusion, that become a part of your underlying character. You may not even be aware of the delusions your brain has created, but you begin to live by those limitations without even knowing you have them. Discovering what those delusions are and what the source of them are is what we call finding your Simple Truth.

If you live your life wisely you will uncover more and more delusions that you once accepted as very real limitations to your life. As some point you will realize these re not real limitations, but limitations of the mind. This is why you begin to realize that you are not the person you once thought you were. It is the environment you were raised in that made you think you were someone that you are not.

Life is about change. If you never change your life becomes a flat-line, and that is a living death. Discover your heart beat and turn your flat-line into a pulse by discovering your delusions and breaking through them.

The difficulty is not in realizing that you are not the person you once were, but in accepting that you are not the person once thought you were. Finding your own Simple Truth is a fairly straight forward process. It begins with seeing yourself for who you truly are and accepting the limitations and opportunities your body, mind and spirit have always presented you with. Begin with the person you are on the physical level. Once you become comfortable with yourself physically then you can begin to explore who you are psychologically and spiritually. This means exploring your social upbringing so that you can discover the delusions that society placed upon you as you matured.

Let’s take a look at me. I was not born with a swimmer’s body. I can swim in the ocean and enjoy myself as I play in the waves, enjoying every minute of it richly and deeply; I can be happy. If I set my goals on winning an Olympic medal at some point I will realize that I simply was not born to be 6’1″ with arms that an stretch like wings and pull me through the water. That is the wall of reality and I will not find happiness with the person I am. It does not mean I cannot be happy in the water, it simply means I have to realize my physical limitations and learn to live with them.

The delusion would be living with an expectation of winning an Olympic medal in swimming, but reality is that I can be happy enjoying the waves and swimming in the ocean. The difference between the two is realizing the delusions I created about who I am and what I want to be.

Once you realize your true capabilities and limitations you can set your sights in a realistic way. You can explore how you came to create the delusions and false expectations that are the source of your unhappiness. You can discover your path and find your way to being the person you were meant to be all along. This is what we call being your authentic self and living in the real world.

Learn more at: Your Authentic Self – The Simple Truth Project

Be well and I hope this helps.

Jeff